Against the Storms

I look like a girl who’s perfect from the outside.

Pretty, ig.

Smart,

Kind

Healthy relationship

Helpful,

Great at so much, etc.

All according to people.

But in my heart, I feel the opposite.

I just feel lucky with those things.

But not with my emotions.

Someone told me I act like my dad.

Not a bad thing I guess.

But they meant the fact I’m narcissistic,

“I’m not wrong”
“I just get angry because I can’t process it normally” side.

I realized something.

I’m just like that.

Sure I try to process it.

But I can’t realize it until it’s too late.

Do I talk about myself too much,

Or am I too quiet.

I do look at the times where I was.

I’m going to apologize for it,

Soon I promise.

I never mean to hurt anyone.

I’m just too late to apologize.

Maybe it’s just me.

I hate feeling like this.

I hate questioning my emotions and opening up.

I hate it so much.

Basically what I’m trying to say is.

I may seem perfect in public.

But I feel like I’m battling 10 hurricanes,

11 tornados,

A blizzard,

And a volcanic eruption.

All at once.

I’m sorry I hurt so many people.

I’m sorry I couldn’t do enough, or did too much.

I’m sorry to myself.

For those days, I didn’t feel like it was me.

That ignoring it would make it better.

That doing that would make it easier.

But it didn’t.

Maybe this is karma.

How much lower can I go when I’m already at rock bottom.