missing you

I just want to text you, but I can't.

I’m missing you a lot right now.
I just can’t bring myself to text you.

I loved you,
You were my first real love.
First real relationship.
First kiss.

I know you loved me back.
When you chose to end it,
You said it wasn’t working.
You said,
“It’s not you, it’s me”

Wow, classic shit.

But you also saw my tears,
And you wiped them off my cheek.
Begging to still be friends as tears rolled down your face.

I wish you would’ve told me the reason it was you.
You were so embarrassed you got into a fight,
You didn’t tell me.
But you trusted me with all your secrets.

Then something broke in you.
You turned against me,
And asked one of my closest friends out.

Right after I told you,
“I still love you.”

You told me to sit on the floor,
Because there was no space for me.
In my own home.

I told you if you excluded me again,
I would never let you come back over.

You took that as a challenge and said,
“We’ll see about that.”

I know it was 21 months ago,
I know it was ‘middle school’ love.

But your name continues to pop up when it’s your birthday,
And your sister’s birthday.

Even though I moved on,
At least attempted twice before I did.

I don’t know if you still think about me,
But I still think about you.